


Old McHale bought a farm

by AlphaSara



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: I have no idea what I'm doing, M/M, This is pure crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 08:52:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3113696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaSara/pseuds/AlphaSara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it says in the title</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old McHale bought a farm

“You bought a farm?” Sheriff squinted up at Derek from his desk. The Alpha just nodded. “For the pack?”, John squinted some more.   
“They are all free for the summer, they all need part or full time jobs, I’ll pay them by the hour and it’s a good pack bonding activity” Derek explained.   
“You’re gonna take those teenagers out to a farm? Even the Whitemore kid?” older man couldn’t believe it.   
“Jackson will do as I say. So will the rest of them. I’m here to ask you for permission to let Stiles come. I know you still have to come to terms with us being…” 

Derek waved his hand around. 

“Mates” John grumbled. “Okay, fine, he can go. But I still think you’re gonna regret this. There’s no way in hell any of them will be willing to pick tomatoes or bale the hay. You made a huge mistake and wasted your money”   
Derek just nodded again and went for the door.   
“Oh and Derek?”, Sheriff called before the man exited. “I assume I don’t have to remind you that Stiles is still 17 and no matter what your wolf law say, he’s a minor and you’re an adult.” 

Derek’s expression was dead serious. ‘Sir, I promised you nothing will happen between me and Stiles until he turns 18” 

“Oh, I trust you. I don’t trust Stiles. I know my son and I know how hard it is to stop him from getting what he wants. And judging from the poetry he waxes about your , and I quote, glorious ass, I can only assume the things he gets up to inside his head. Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t cave. And don’t kill him if he goes to far. ”   
Derek’s ears went red. “ Yes, sir.” He said as he left the station.   
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
“I wish I were dead” Jackson groaned, smacking his head against the handle of his rake. “It’s 110 degrees outside and we’re baling the hay. This fucking blows”   
“Language, Jackson. “ Derek snapped.   
“Weeeeeeee” Scott buzzed past them, using his supernatural speed to collect obscene amounts of hay on his rake.   
“You’re a disgrace, McCall” Stiles yelled after him, just as the boy added his collected hay to a large haystack Alison was making. “You’re the only person in the world who could be happy at this heat. “

“Are you kidding? This is awesome” Isaac called from atop Allison’s haystack. Apparently, you had to stand on top as more hay is added or the it will fall down.   
“You’re no friend of mine!” Stiles hisses at him. ‘I’m with Jackson. This blows”   
“Actually, I’m with Jackson” Lydia cut in as she arranged her hay in a pile. 

“My ass is sweating” Erica glared at her Alpha who just grinned at her.   
“I can look at that for you “ Boyd leaned in and gave her a kiss, making her giggle. “Seriously, this is insane. I’m melting. Only people who are actually enjoying this are Scott, Alison and Isaac and I think that’s only cause they got laid last night. All three of them” she pointed out. “Together. Menage a werewolf”   
“That’s’ non of our business. Stop slacking and get back to work” Derek ordered as he showed past Jackson, who was still groaning.  
“Ok, since when did you turn into Farmer Hale?” Stiles narrowed his eyes at his mate. “I prefer the Brooding Asshole Derek or my Loving Mate Derek. Old McHale is really not to my pleasing”

“Old Mc Hale had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on that farm he had a pack, E-I-E-I-O. And a whine whine here, and a whine whine there, whine here, whine there, whine everywhere” Isaac sang at the top of his voice, beaming down at his pack mates. Derek gave him his death glare as everyone started laughing.   
“Old Mc Alpha had a farm, E-I-E-E-O.. And on that farm he has his betas, E-I-E-I-O. And growl here and a growl there, growl here, growl there growl everywhere. “ Lydia joined in. 

“That’s enough” Derek raked more hay. 

“Old Mc Hale had a farm, E-I-E-I-O.. And on that farm he had a mate, E-I-E-I-O. He’s underage here, he’s underage there, underage so he can’t be fucked anywhere, Old McHale had a mate. E-I-E-I-O” Jackson sneered and everyone laughed, Scott and Alison included, the traitors.   
“OI!” Stiles yelled. “Old McHale had a farm, E-I-E-I-O and on that farm he had a DICK!” Stiles spat in Jacksons face. “He’s dick here, he’s dick there, he has a small dick cause he’s dick everywhere” 

“What have I ever done to you?” Derek cats his eyes up to the heaven.   
“Weeeeee” Scott buzzed past them again, collecting more hay to add to his and Allison’s pile.   
“I hate him so much. He’s so chipper” Stiles glared at his best friend.   
“That’s cause you’re not getting any” Jackson smiled devilishly at him.  
“Lydia, I will give you my Prada dress you’ve been coveting for months if you don’t put up for the entire time we’re here” Erica chimed in and Lydia snapped out of her bored haze. “Really? The red, strapless one?” 

“What? NO!” Boyd complained. 

“Deal!” Lydia high fived Erica who gave Jackson her widest smile. “Don’t mess with my Batman”   
“Lydia” Jackson cried at the same time Boyd wailed:”Erica”   
“That’s my Catwoman” Stiles hugged Erica. “By the way, Assbutt, I am going to get some”, Stiles made air quotes and pulling out his phone. ‘In exactly 4 months 23 days 12 hours 34 minutes and 11 seconds”   
“YOU SET A TIMER?” Derek screamed. ‘STILES!”   
“Shut up, all my life led to this one perfect moment where I will be de-virginalized by a perfect specimen of Alpha werewolf” he said, dead serious.   
“Oh talk dirty to me, you majestic beast” Derek deadpanned. 

“I googled EVERYTHING” we wiggled his eyebrows at Derek and the Alpha facepalmed. “I wish I were dead”   
“Did you saw that thing with the tongue that I sent you/’ Erica asked with a wink and Stiles beamed at her: “THAT WAS THE FILTHIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN, I LOVE IT!” 

“What tongue thing?” Scott stopped as he walked by them.  
“You’ve probably done it, McCall.” Lydia answered. “I have”   
“LYDIA!”, Jackson hissed at her.   
“Oh my God” Stiles laughed. “You’re so whipped, Jackson”   
“Shut up, Stilinski”   
“Both of you shut up.” Derek groaned. “Do you chores.”   
“You’re not the boss off me” , Stiles narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend.   
“If you don’t shut up and start raking that hay, you won’t get a tongue thing, EVER” , Derek said really slowly.   
“You heard the man, rake, people, rake!” Stiles got down to business to defeat the Huns. Or well, the evil hay.

 

Everyone moved.   
Scott stood motionless for few seconds before he wailed:”What tongue thing?”   
Allison came over and pecked him. ‘We’ll show you tonight” she winked at him and he gave her a big goofy smile. “Weeeeee”.   
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Author's Note:**

> Um, what? O.o :D


End file.
